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I wanted to try something different since I’m not real big on the statistics that are shared about #humantrafficking

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I respect and appreciate all experiences but would like to shed light specifically on those that share similar experiences to me with DOMESTIC sex trafficking and how it looks here in America, California, San Diego. 

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My truths may not be the gut wrenching “trafficking victims get raped an average of 12 times a year” statistic —- or the heart pulling “the average age of those trafficked is 12” — and maybe not even the tear Inducing “victims are often starved, beaten, chained and drugged” but it is a step into the reality of a very truthful lifestyle to so many. 

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I hold myself accountable and admit when I first started sharing my story — I gave into the labels ... the dark and evil experiences that occurred — and often demonized the pimps I was Involved with — focusing on only the parts of my experience that made people pay attention ... truth of the matter is ... none of that was giving justice or paths to solutions. I wasn’t bringing awareness to the generational issues that drive this. I wasn’t bringing awareness to the societal issues, systematic issues, racial issues and oppressive issues that drive this lifestyle. Fact of the matter is I was allowing the “movement” to pimp me and hold my narrative ... lack of choice .. very similar to the way I felt when I was in the game. Lack of options. Lack of speaking my truth. Lack of understanding. 

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So now — I try to humbly share my thoughts, my truths and my experiences with solutions in mind always. My narrative and experience is just that — mine — not speaking for everyone but hopefully speaking for some that haven’t yet found the words to speak for themselves. 

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I hope that hearing these truths is just as important when it’s not wrapped up in a heart wrenching box and bow to pay attention too. Because these are people’s lives ... and they all matter. 

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Truth #1 : if I felt I could have , I would have done something else.

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A reason I’m so big on breaking stigmas is because I remember trying to leave the life at least 7 times - Over the course of 6 years. The first time was about 7 months into the game ... I remember already being so lost In who I was and hating my daily routine. I tried to leave. I even went home and told my family what had been going on. Unfortunately I didn’t know there was much more to it then just leaving. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to function every day with the PTSD I had developed along with ongoing depression that had already existed and only gotten worse with my experience in the game. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to find a steady job with prostitution on my record to mention forgetting how to be disciplined enough to get up and go to work every day when I had just spent every day the last 7 months up all night and hustling all day.  I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to deal with my family criticizing or not understanding my experiences. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to break the bond I had with my ex pimp. I didn’t realize how diminished my self worth had become and how unworthy I felt. I didn’t realize how out of place I would feel walking among who used to be my peers and dealing with breaking the habits and normal tendencies I had formed (like not making eye contact with people, not talking to a certain race of men, lack of social skills that my friends didn’t really understand). As much as I didn’t love doing what I did in the game , I felt comfortable there. I felt accepted. I felt like I was finally good for something. 

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No one was really offering me any options at that time. I felt like my self worth had completely diminished and I had no drive to  or even idea what I would do outside of hoin. I had taken on the persona of a prostitute and I wasn’t able to easily break that. At this point i was not really aware there were alternate options after what I had allowed myself to become. 

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I was not engaged in any support services or systems to try to transition or understand what I had just dealt with. I was just kinda stumbling in the dark trying to find my way which led me to feeling frustrated and triggered which ultimately led me right back to the game. 

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Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do for those entrapped In the Streets — is offer hope. Offer options. Offer opportunities. Empower the dreams and passions buried deep down in those living the hustle and reignite a flame in them to want different. Defining them by who they are not what they have done. Breaking down the stigmas that lie in your own heart and mind about those impacted by the game. Reminding them that they are valuable, loved and powerful beyond measure is a huge step in how we end this issue. 

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Be love & Be light


Please support us this month joining us in www.thelbdproject.org and raising funds for our emergency services as well as live experience expert employment!


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July 8th – That’s the last time I opened my word documents to type up a blog. Why? Because I have not been myself. At all. And so, I want to talk about the darker days, because I know if I am going through them, others are too. The last four weeks have been a combination of depressing, thought provoking, and harsh emotional ups and downs. But is there any point in me talking about the drama, negativity and problems I am facing? I sat with this question the last 4 weeks.


You see, I am the type of person who admits when I am in a bad space, but also will literally address it for 10 minutes at most, then say I am okay, thank the person who listened to me for listening, and convince myself I am okay. Well, that didn’t work this time. This time, I was forced to sit in my emotions. This time I was forced to analyze why my patterns continue to surface. This time I was forced to cry and feel the pain. This time I was forced to face myself. And that’s exactly what I did, and as much as I hated it, as much as I loathed these last 4 weeks and the ups and downs and highs and lows--- mostly lows. As much as I was screaming and kicking through it to fight my way out and just feel better already, I am thankful that it worked out the exact way it did.


Through these last 4 weeks I regressed as much as possible without throwing myself into complete rock bottom. By that, what I mean is, every unhealthy coping skill I have, I took part in. This includes everything from isolating, taking a mental health leave from work, involving myself in unhealthy relationships that I know are toxic for me, hiding things, regrettably even relapse. But there was one thing I didn’t do-- I didn’t run. And it wasn’t until yesterday I really paid attention and applauded myself for that because by not running, I was able to get through the storm. Normally, I get so scared or frustrated by the storm I run and end up running right into a new storm, I rarely ever sit and wait for the rain to settle and the thunder to stop and see how close I was to the sunshine. Its kind of like that picture if you have seen it floating around the internet, its two different men in two different tunnels and one man is literally inches away from hitting gold but is so frustrated with digging, he doesn’t know that he literally was seconds away from hitting the treasure, while the other man continues on and keeps at it and his next stroke is gold.


Today I feel like that man who hit gold. Now, don’t get me wrong. Everything is not magically better today, I still hurt, I still feel like I may cry at any given moment and I still have a lot of unanswered questions in my head. BUT, today I feel a sense of pride and hope. I feel like I have been given a burst of hope and power in the fact I have overcome a huge hurdle which is not running away when every thought I have is to do just that.


The craziest part about growth for me personally, is the unfailing outcome once the storm settles. You see, in my trauma (which was majority of my 20's) I could never see the light at the end of the tunnel. Every crisis felt like "This is it, this is what's going to kill me or throw me over the edge and get me in prison or the crazy house." My ability to see the value in struggle and difficult times was non existent. And to me that is the real beauty in all of this, with maturity, support and growth I have been able to not only start to identify when I am going into a dark place, but also get through it with complete faith in the fact I KNOW through experience, there is a lesson and value that I will gain coming out of this.


I think what I am trying to get at is this - the struggle never goes away. The trials never subside and things don't ever magically get better, BUT the way we grow through it can in deed change and give us that strength we need to power through and come out on the other end.


Its now 8/11/2019 .. It has taken me three days to finish this blog because I am so nervous about outing myself, so nervous about admitting I fell back into old habits. The enemy was doing his job by making me feel shame and guilt, which led me into a huge trigger where I literally felt every emotion I felt in my early 20's, which involved continual crisis and lack of control.


Once I was able to step back, (with support of some wonderful people I am blessed to have in my life) I took a breath of God and exhaled the enemies lies. In that moment I reminded myself I am not who I was and the enemy doesn’t get to own my mind or heart or body any longer. Now, I know this is no easy task. It is difficult as fuck to recognize the moment we are in NOW vs living in the future or past. It is difficult as fuck to not be held down by the negative and the lies we have been told and that have been ingrained in our minds for so long. Rewiring is difficult, changing habits and thinking patterns is difficult. Breaking cycles and patterns is difficult. The unknown is difficult, but one thing I know about myself, and you, is that one thing we CAN DO --- is difficult.


So I decided to take my power back and remind myself that there is power in my truth. There is power in my sharing of my imperfections and faults. There is power in being vulnerable and transparent. And as I have said before, to me -- If I can help ONE person understand they are not alone and that there is hope in their struggle its worth a thousand critics because frankly my mission and my purpose is not for those thousand, it is for that ONE, and your story and truth can be too!


Though it took me 3 days to decide, I am putting out on the world wide web things that can possibly discredit my character, harm my reputation and maybe even cause me issues in the courts later. But I am led now by God and not the enemy.


If you are struggling, know that I am too. If you are hurting, know that I feel your pain. If you are falling back into old patterns, know its okay and you haven't failed. If you have slipped up, know that you can always get up. And if you feel alone, know that you never really are.


You are loved, You are strong, You are valuable. You are Priceless. You are a Queen. And you are perfectly and wonderfully made in Gods image no matter what.


Love and Light- Jaimee

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People often ask me, "Why do you always put your business out there for everyone to judge and see?" The point of me sharing is never to let people in my business but instead to always create a pathway for others to be able to unlock their own strength, to share their truth.


Over the last few years I have realized that sometimes all someone needs to find strength in using their voice is the strength of someone else telling them, "You are not alone." Sometimes it's hard and you want to keep the pain and the trials in the past and not have to face them. I have found immense healing in sharing testimony and creating a safe space for others to do the same.


Imagine for a minute, you were in a room of 100 people learning about a certain topic. You can not for the life of you understand what the professor is talking about, but you are in total fear to speak up because you don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t get it. "What if they think I am stupid?" "What if they think I don’t belong here?" "What if they all judge me?" "What if I still don’t get it after I speak up?" These thoughts are all valid and very normal amongst most. So you sit quietly, and try your best to get it without having to do the unbearable and raise your hand to say, "Sir, I don’t understand, can you go over that one more time?" As you sit and run through the progressively negative thoughts that come with this situation of not understanding -- "OMG if I can't understand this I am going to fail the class, if I fail the class I am going to have to drop out of school, then my whole life is down hill." So on and so forth. As your mind spins out of control, you hear a voice from behind you say, "Excuse me Professor, I don’t understand how you came to that conclusion can you please break it down a little bit different?"


Wait, the world didn’t end? There was no snickering, no laughing, no name calling? The teacher didn’t say get out of my class? You were floored. As the teacher asked, "is there anyone else who isn't understanding this topic?" and as you looked around you saw almost half the classes hands go up, so you slowly raised yours. The professor nodded as he explained another break down of the lesson he was teaching...

What happened here? It wasn’t that the person who didn’t speak up first was weak, it wasn’t that they were stupid, it wasn’t that they needed to follow someone else. It simply meant they were human. Sometimes we have been so shamed and shunned in this world, that our voices and bravery have been buried so deep inside us that we forget they exist. We have been raised and bred to feel so judged by this world, so alone, that we would rather drive ourselves crazy with sometimes irrational thoughts, than to bear the dreading hands of societies judgement.


In the above situation, this wasn’t a specific trauma or trial, this was simple fear in a classroom setting; not understanding the lesson at hand. It took the strength of someone else to rise up and create a safe space to let the other person know they weren't the only one who didn’t get it. By speaking up first, and being vulnerable, this person unknowingly unlocked another classmates strength. They, not even knowing they did so, helped this person uncover a little bit of strength that the world had caused to be hidden.

To me the value in transparency is clear. Others may confuse it with being attention seeking, pity seeking, or like drama. But to me, the world is full of enough poker faces. We live our lives expected to hide our pain and to be okay, expected to just suck it up, expected to handle all these daily tasks and keep our emotional gauges perfectly set. We are expected to deal with stress without speaking about it and deal with our pain or trauma without healing from it. So I decided a couple years ago that I wanted to break that cycle within my life and the people around me.


Sharing out loud has brought me more freedom than I can express. It is one thing to be free from an abuser or hurtful situation, but true freedom resides in being able to speak our truth so it doesn’t eat us from the inside. We are not meant to hold our emotions inside, and because we live in a society that tells us we should, we have alot of vulnerabilities, pain and untreated trauma. This leads to many of the issues our community is trying to eradicate such as abuse, addiction, exploitation, mental illness, etc.


I believe if humans had permission to share their struggles, and were encouraged, not discouraged to, we would have such a different world. Children could speak out about their pain and be heard, men could come forward and find healing without their masculinity being questioned, and women could find healing and value outside of their bodies and share what they can do for others. With that, it encompasses why I feel transparency is such a beautiful thing. I think it shows courage, leadership and strength. So for those of you out there, who are like me, and are misunderstood in why they share so openly and so much about their life, I honor you, I understand you and I value you. You are a rare light in this world and you are the key to unlocking someone elses story. Keep healing and keep doing what others won't!



Love and light,

Jaimee



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