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“Don’t some women choose to do this?” Well the simple answer is yes. The REAL answer is no. What’s a choice is there is no viable outcome? Its not, its simple choosing the lesser of two evils. For example, if someone asked me, “do you want dog shit or garbage for dinner” and I had to pick one or FELT I had to pick one, technically, I have a “choice”, but are either of those really a good one? So how does this relate to sexual exploitation? Let me share my thoughts with you on this. Imagine you grow up in an abusive home. Where you are never truly taught your value or purpose. Where all you are doing each day is trying to make it through the day without being subjected to the abuse. Imagine not having any support at home. Imagine living in a home where running away and being on the streets sounds like heaven compared to your home life. Imagine living in a community where all people feel they can do to get by is sell drugs, do drugs, or gang bang. Imagine being marginalized and discriminated against in your own country because of your skin color or upbringing or past mistakes.


Imagine being used for adults’ sexual pleasures to the point where you feel your only worth is what you can do for another person. Imagine being sexually assaulted and feeling traumatized to the point where your mindset is that of someone who feels now their only way to have control back over their body is to charge for their time and sexual pleasures. Imagine growing up in world where sexualization is glamourized and it seems the only people who get any acceptance or attention or success are those who use their bodies to get it. Imagine growing up not being educated on the value of sex or your body. Imagine not knowing there were other options out there besides surviving. Do you get where I am going with this?


Sometimes we are not aware that there are other options because we have grown up in our norm of negativity and trauma. We don’t always understand that education, entrepreneurship, success, value, love and purpose are available to us. Often, when you come from trauma, you think those things are some sort of foreign idea. Things that are available for everyone but you. And often, by the time we are aware they are available, there is a LOT of undoing and rewiring that must take place from the years and year we were involved with things that tore us down and traumatized us.


So, can a woman CHOOSE to be in the sex industry willingly? Yes of course. But if you went down the time line of her life, would you find things leading up to her concluding that this was even an option? Would you find vulnerabilities in her life? Lack in available resources, childhood trauma, adult trauma, lack of love or self-value, abuse, absent parents, addiction, homelessness, lack of education, lack of employment, incarceration, poverty, self-hatred, the pressure to fit in, the need for love, the need for attention, the need for survival, single parents trying to take care of their children, unhealed pain--- the list can go on and on and on. The point of it being, the CHOICE to do things like sell our bodies for sex, buy sex, pimp, gang bang, addiction, homelessness, unemployment, self-harm, robbery, deal drugs, etc., all come from a much deeper issue than a conscious choice. They stem from vulnerabilities and voids not filled in our lives. They stem from segregation, lack of love and lack of awareness of choices.


IN MY OPINION, any woman you sit down and talk with who “Chooses” to be in the sex industry, I guarantee after digging deep enough there will be some form of past trauma that this seed started flourishing at. Then after that seed was planted, life and its obstacles and hardships watered it and watered it until self-exploitation became a viable “choice” in their mind. Nobody is born with hatred in them, or the idea that they are a commodity. This is progressively implanted into our brains by our environment, circumstances, relationships, media, educational levels, inability to share or deal with our hurt and pain, etc.


I firmly believe that every single person, issue and injustice can be healed and irradiated through filling vulnerabilities and embracing and giving love and self-love as well as educating on VIABLE options available and supporting each other through them. Only when we are aware and fully capable of understanding ourselves and our options and being able to make a choice without any outside circumstances influencing us or making us feel coerced or forced, is when we are truly making a choice. So when people ask me “don’t some women choose this?” I always say no.


Love and light-

Jaimee

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One of the most interesting parts of the game to me was always the terminology and the rhythmic flow of all the phrases. I am an over analyzer, so of course I always broke down each statement to try to understand the deeper meaning behind it. Some I have let go of because they are either just straight up stupid or triggering. Some I have put in my back pocket to pull out when necessary. And some I have continued to live by.


"Stay down to come up" is one of the ones I have kept to live by. Why? Well because it resonates deeply with me.

Let me explain what it meant when it was first introduced to me to my knowledge. My folks* ingrained it in me as one of the rules of the game.

1. You stay down with the folks you choose and start from the bottom to build up to the top together and you stay down no matter what. Through the good the bad and the ugly. 2. You stay down for the game. Period. You never fold. You don’t give up and you do what you gotta do to reach success.


The second one is why I hold tight to this phrase. Granted I left the game, I didn’t leave the mentality completely. When I was in the game my quota was $1000 a day.

Now, sometimes this was easy, other times this was not, depending on the day. See there are many factors to the game, not just posting an ad and waiting for clients to come. There are tactics and business plans that have to be in place. There is research you have to do; on cities, police activity, how many girls are in that area, what kind of surroundings and hotels are available, if there are other avenues within the area to make money if the internet is slow, convention activity, hot spots, price range for the area along with knowing what other women in the area are charging and what you competition is going to be for the area, etc. There is a LOT of thought and discipline that goes in to this hustle that you may not know about if you have never been subject to it.

But guess what, I was damn sure going to do whatever I had to do to make sure I got that $1000 a day. If not, there would be consequences I was not looking forward to dealings with. So what did I do? I did what I do best and learned the game, learned to hustle, and learned how to do the most for the leas. While leaing how to do it to the best of my ability. I worked hard to build my brand up within the game so that I didn’t have to always start from scratch each day. I used my brain to figure out multiple avenues of income so that I had different options and wasn’t reliant on one. I took time to understand how the game worked and how to best excel at it and be the best at what I was doing. I stayed down and loyal to the game for my time in it and put in the work required to get myself to a "high end escorting" position which, at that time, seemed more glamourous than when I had started on the streets trying to barely get $100 a date each time a car pulled over.


My life today is no different. A lot of people don’t understand when I tell them I take a LOT of what I learned in the game and am thankful for it and continue to flourish it. They misconstrue that with me holding on to the game or wanting to have a piece of me still in it. This is not accurate at all because guess what, even though Im pushin 30, if I wanted to be a top notch ho I could in a second. I know how to do it and would if that’s what my desire was. But it is not.

My desire is to take the knowledge I gained and use it to build my dream life. The game and its tactics are honestly no different than any other walk of life. The terminology is just tweaked to fit a certain understanding and category. But the message and ethics behind it are all the same.


So, as I am someone who doesn’t believe in wasting any of my experiences and lives with a "no regrets" mentality, naturally I picked what benefitted me most from my time in the game and brought it with me to this new chapter of my life. And it hasn’t failed me. In my new life, when I get lazy or inpatient, I simply revert back to those days I was out there demanded to make a certain amount of money, sometimes under impossible circumstances. I remember the days I ran and had NO MEANS to survive, but did anyways. I remember the days I had multiple men kidnapping me, or raping me and my choices were to either die or survive, and well, I'm here writing this blog so I clearly survived.

So how dare I ever get lazy in my life when I have been given a second chance to live. Not just survive, but LIVE. So when I start slacking, or start taking things for granted, my stay down to come up mentality prevails and I remind myself of my self discipline I know I am more than capable of, as I exemplified it in the game.

I take a breath, and I remind myself who I am and what I have accomplished for OTHERS and make sure I truly know and believe I am worthy of accomplishing those things for MYSELF as well. I look up and remember how hard I went for someone elses profits and pockets and I demand I do that for myself. I look in the mirror and remind myself how much I believed those tricks and pimps when they told me I was only ever going to excel in the game and that’s what I was good at, and I remind myself how I prevailed out and am doing things they all swore I couldn’t. I REMIND MYSELF of who the fuck I am and who I am meant to be.

What tops it off for me though. Is results. Truth of the matter is. When I stayed down for the game. I never got consistency. I never had permanence or anything to call my own. I never felt stability, or purpose. I never felt joy within myself. I never felt like I had much to look forward too or that anything was going to stick around. I was always waiting for things to be taken away or change at the drop of a dime.

What happened when I chose out the game and chose up with purpose though? Everything opposite. As I sit here typing today. I have stayed committed to hard work, healing, growing and moving away from the life I once knew. I have never stayed committed to anything this long that didn’t give me immediate results. Even in the game, if things didn’t work out pretty immediate I was looking for new ways to make it work. My new life has required dedication, hard work, accountability, heart ache, hardships, growth, knowledge, struggle, faith, strength and hardest of all, staying down until I come up. But Guess what, my results, are tangible. My healing is immeasurable, I am a full time mother--a sports mom at that!, I have created my very own movement, I have created healthy relationships and am continually learning to maintain them, I am constantly changing things about myself for the better, I am holding myself accountable, I have OWNERSHIP of things I never thought I would like a car, a place to live, my body, my brand, my joy, my spirit.


My point is, after staying down in the game because I wanted all the things above, low and behold, I achieved them after I chose to stay down for my purpose. I took a risk, did what others said was impossible, and chose to seek myself out in 27 years worth of lost junk all tangled up within my body mind and spirit. I did the dirty work, and will continue too. I took the hard way out and stayed down when it wasn’t easy and I will never cease my loyalty to my life ever again because I have seen results. All the while I was searching for this void to be filled by staying loyal to outside sources, when the whole time of my entire existence I never even knew the void I was seeking to fill-- I had the power to fill it.


I want to leave you with this. Stay down for YOU. Stay down for the things that bring value to your life. Stay down for your purpose and passion. Stay down for love. Stay down for strength. Stay down for growth. Stay down for knowledge. Stay down for self worth. Stay down for your mind, body and soul. Stay down for the things that YOU will be fulfilled by. And then experience the luxury of letting those you choose and are deserving bask in the beauty of your come up.



Love and light- Jaimee


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If you have experienced any sort of trauma or just made it into your latetwenties, I have a feeling we have been in a long term relationship with thesame toxic obsession: Self-sabotage.

You know him. He comes around right when things start getting good. As soon as you think you’re over him - he pops up like you never left him. He’s like the abusive boyfriend you just can’t get rid of, the one who only disappears until you have moved on and are finally finding joy. Yeah that one. I can’t get rid of him either.

You are not alone.

Now, I am no therapist or counselor. Hell! I haven't even graduated high school but my lack of book knowledge has not hindered my master’s degree in self-development. I have spent countless hours digging deep into my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual self to unwind, understand, re-wire and develop attributes and qualities I’ve adopted since I came out of the womb. If there is one that is prevalent, it is self sabotage.

"He’s like the abusive boyfriend you just can’t get rid of"

I was not aware I carried this quality until about a year ago, even though everyone was always pointing it out. I couldn't understand or grasp it and honestly I couldn't admit I would intentionally mess up everything good coming my way. Who does that? Apparently, I do and so do a lot of people I know and love.

Where does this stem from?

What person in their right mind, prays and asks for things to get better in life yet as soon as they do, seeks every way possible to destroy it or lose it? Answer: A person who has dealt with a lot of disappointment, instability, low self-esteem, heartbreak, loss, and pain. Someone who has poured their all into this life and felt like they have never received anything in return. The one who has invested their whole mind, body, and soul into another person and yet ended up abandoned and destroyed. So why have hope?

The one who has dealt with people trying to break them down, torment them, hurt them and use them for their own selfish desires for the majority of their life. The one who has gotten so used to losing everything they would rather take it away them-self then have someone else steal it from them. The one who has never felt the warmth of stability under their feet and is always in a state of survival, anxiously anticipating the next opportunity to jump ship and start completely over again.

That is who.

...and you know what? Those are my favorite kind of people. Not only am I one of them, but I’ve made it a point to surround myself with these self-sabotaging individuals because you know what else they are? Strong.Resilient. They are powerful and innovative. They are survivalist. They are open-minded and refuse to conform to the norm. They are opinionated and out to win. They are loving and accepting. They are the leaders of this world and they… are the ones who will create everlasting change because they have experienced first-hand what needs to be changed. I love these people.

But now what?

Great. Now we know we purposely mess good things up. We know why but how do we stop it? Good news! You’re already halfway there! Recognizing the fact you self-sabotage is half of the battle. Once I realized this was a pattern within me, I was able to work it out in my head with my support system. Let me give you a very transparent example.

"Not only am I one of them, but I’ve made it a point to surround myself with these self-sabotaging individuals"

Three years ago when I was still out in the streets hoin’ it up, I used to pray for many things. I used to pray to get out of the streets, pray to be out of the hotel room, pray to not have to turn tricks, pray to be a mother full-time. I used to pray for a purpose, pray for a home of my own, pray for a car and a valid license with no warrants or records. I also prayed for healthy relationships.

Guess what? As of last week, I have all of those things . ...and what was my mind set? To fuck it all up! My plan was to isolate myself. Go back to my toxic relationship with my son’s dad. Get high. Ignore the world and quit my job. How irrational is that? But, in my lovely romance with ‘self-sabotage’ it seemed perfectly normal. Thank God I am in a space where I can finally hold myself accountable and be real with myself when I’m messing up. Also, I’m more thankful I have healthy relationships with amazing people who I can turn to, who God will send into my life even when I’m not seeking to rationalize my thoughts through conversation.

It just so happened a friend of mine (Anny) reached out to talk. We ended up benefiting from the conversation we had which in itself was amazing because before I never valued friendships or relationships. Now, I thrive and depend on them for my recovery and journey. Anny said something which made complete sense when I confided in her. I told her I was scared of having all the things I used to pray for. She responded: "You have been programmed to believe you can’t do this which is why it doesn't make sense. You want to sabotage this because a life within your subconscious is rejecting it. Your conscious mind says this is right but then you start beating yourself up because you just can’t figure out the conflicting contradiction.”

Boom! Exactly.

Regardless of what we’ve gone through, self-sabotage has to stem from somewhere. It could be one or another of the areas mentioned above but the beauty in all of it is it’s an attribute we have complete control over. Again, I am no trained therapist or life coach. I just live this shit. But, I want to leave you with a list of things I do now when I recognize I’m dancing with this toxic relationship which is so hard to get out of.

"She responded: You have been programmed to believe you can’t do this.."

1. Self-check - Recognize you are regressing into old patterns. Be honest with yourself and check any destructive behaviors or patterns you’re fantasizing about.

2. Hold yourself accountable - If you mess up, don't use it as an excuse to keep messing up! One bad decision doesn't have to lead to full self-destruction. Even if you don't bring it up with someone else, hold yourself responsible and accountable. Address the behavior and shift it.

3. Check-in & don't isolate - Check-in with at least one person in your support system. Let them know how you’re truly feeling and the thoughts you’re having. Speak about what you want to truly do and lean on them for support.Allow them to be a non-judgmental ear and support for you. If you don't have this, please email or call me! I’ll be that person! Sometimes, saying things out loud or typing your thoughts up in a text conversation helps us truly rationalize them rather than letting them mingle and fester in our mind until they blow up.

4. Catch it. Correct it. Change it - Just like that! If you see it, you can correct it.If you can correct it, you can change it. Do you see the power in that last step? They all have you. You hold the power to shift your life trajectory which means you hold the power to create your destiny!

With all that said, I want to remind you: You are never alone. This battle and journey maybe a solo trip at times but could also be a group endeavor. You’ll always have someone, even though they may not fully understand, willing to listen and be there for you. Utilize this new power you just learned of and decide today self-sabotage will no longer come and spend the night. No! You may not keep him as an acquaintance or else he’ll still pop-up like that one ex whose trying to see if they still have a chance with you.

Today is the day you slam the door on his face and say: We. Are. Over.

Be love and be light. You are loved and valued. <3

-Jaimee

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