Is it really a choice?
“Don’t some women choose to do this?” Well the simple answer is yes. The REAL answer is no. What’s a choice is there is no viable outcome? Its not, its simple choosing the lesser of two evils. For example, if someone asked me, “do you want dog shit or garbage for dinner” and I had to pick one or FELT I had to pick one, technically, I have a “choice”, but are either of those really a good one? So how does this relate to sexual exploitation? Let me share my thoughts with you on this. Imagine you grow up in an abusive home. Where you are never truly taught your value or purpose. Where all you are doing each day is trying to make it through the day without being subjected to the abuse. Imagine not having any support at home. Imagine living in a home where running away and being on the streets sounds like heaven compared to your home life. Imagine living in a community where all people feel they can do to get by is sell drugs, do drugs, or gang bang. Imagine being marginalized and discriminated against in your own country because of your skin color or upbringing or past mistakes.
Imagine being used for adults’ sexual pleasures to the point where you feel your only worth is what you can do for another person. Imagine being sexually assaulted and feeling traumatized to the point where your mindset is that of someone who feels now their only way to have control back over their body is to charge for their time and sexual pleasures. Imagine growing up in world where sexualization is glamourized and it seems the only people who get any acceptance or attention or success are those who use their bodies to get it. Imagine growing up not being educated on the value of sex or your body. Imagine not knowing there were other options out there besides surviving. Do you get where I am going with this?
Sometimes we are not aware that there are other options because we have grown up in our norm of negativity and trauma. We don’t always understand that education, entrepreneurship, success, value, love and purpose are available to us. Often, when you come from trauma, you think those things are some sort of foreign idea. Things that are available for everyone but you. And often, by the time we are aware they are available, there is a LOT of undoing and rewiring that must take place from the years and year we were involved with things that tore us down and traumatized us.
So, can a woman CHOOSE to be in the sex industry willingly? Yes of course. But if you went down the time line of her life, would you find things leading up to her concluding that this was even an option? Would you find vulnerabilities in her life? Lack in available resources, childhood trauma, adult trauma, lack of love or self-value, abuse, absent parents, addiction, homelessness, lack of education, lack of employment, incarceration, poverty, self-hatred, the pressure to fit in, the need for love, the need for attention, the need for survival, single parents trying to take care of their children, unhealed pain--- the list can go on and on and on. The point of it being, the CHOICE to do things like sell our bodies for sex, buy sex, pimp, gang bang, addiction, homelessness, unemployment, self-harm, robbery, deal drugs, etc., all come from a much deeper issue than a conscious choice. They stem from vulnerabilities and voids not filled in our lives. They stem from segregation, lack of love and lack of awareness of choices.
IN MY OPINION, any woman you sit down and talk with who “Chooses” to be in the sex industry, I guarantee after digging deep enough there will be some form of past trauma that this seed started flourishing at. Then after that seed was planted, life and its obstacles and hardships watered it and watered it until self-exploitation became a viable “choice” in their mind. Nobody is born with hatred in them, or the idea that they are a commodity. This is progressively implanted into our brains by our environment, circumstances, relationships, media, educational levels, inability to share or deal with our hurt and pain, etc.
I firmly believe that every single person, issue and injustice can be healed and irradiated through filling vulnerabilities and embracing and giving love and self-love as well as educating on VIABLE options available and supporting each other through them. Only when we are aware and fully capable of understanding ourselves and our options and being able to make a choice without any outside circumstances influencing us or making us feel coerced or forced, is when we are truly making a choice. So when people ask me “don’t some women choose this?” I always say no.
Love and light-