• Jaimee Johnson

Stop tryna get back to "who you were"

Updated: May 16, 2020

Have you ever heard people say “I just want the old me back”. I hear it all the time and my first thought is always “Why?” then my second thought is always thinking “I hate to break it to them, but that will NEVER happen.”

We go through some things in life. Some of us go through things that no one should ever have to go through, but it happens. Before trauma impacts us, we are at our peak of innocence. Now some of us lose this innocence very early, even from birth, and some of us lose this innocence later in life, either way , once that trauma hits ,whether is be something as simple as our mother promising she would take us somewhere and then she never does, to something a bit more complex such as sexual abuse, we still have a sense of Innocence robbed from us, and from there, we are never the same.

Trauma SUCKS. Lets just admit that first and foremost. In no way shape or form am I saying “Yay trauma, you are awesome , lets have more of it!”…No. But, traumatic events pass, the trauma is what lingers. What I have noticed is that one of the key components for trauma to control us, is by us allowing ourselves to have some unrealistic expectation that we are supposed to go back to who we used to be, therefore who we are after our trauma is someone who isn’t okay or someone who is fucked up. I am here to tell you, that is NOT THE CASE. You have never been meant to stay who you were, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for not being that person any longer.

Look, let me reframe it this way. Trauma happens right, we cant change the traumas in our life. But who is to say that the trauma only has one avenue or purpose in our life…which is usually seemingly, negative. But what if we get to CHOOSE how the trauma directs us. We don’t get to ever control what others do TO us, but we always get to control what we allow it to do to us, maybe not physically, but always mentally, spiritually and emotionally. What if we reframe how we view trauma, what if we reframe it to take our power back? Wouldn’t that in itself, take away the negative power of trauma? See, when we hear trauma, we think of all the horrible things that come along with that, because we are thinking of all the things trauma took away from us. What if instead we look at all the things trauma taught us and gained us? What if instead of giving the traumatic events the power to withhold our ability to self love, self accept, smile, trust, love and grow … we allowed ourselves to have all those things because of the trauma we endured. What if we allowed our trauma to grow us into everything we didn’t want those who traumatized us to be. If we take the negative power out of the traumatic events that happened to us, and are able to recognize that DESPITE what others tried to take from us, despite what events did to us, we still get to GROW into amazing people. Wouldn’t that help us to see the value we hold in the new creation of us vs suffocating ourselves to try to swim back to who the old us was?

Life is not stagnant. Anything not growing, is dead. Just in the same, anything holding on to what could have been. Isn’t growing.

Listen, you have survived a whole lot. Your trials, obstacles and conquering were never put into your life for you to stay the same person, so stop holding yourself back by trying to get to who you were, and embrace yourself for who you have become. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel like there is something wrong with you because you have evolved into someone new. The beautiful thing about this journey is that we get to take the best and worst pieces of who we were, integrate them and dissect them, add and subtract them, and create the beautiful being we are currently.

You are not who you used to be, you never will be – you are who you are right in this very moment and you will only ever become who you are supposed to be –and that is a beautiful thing.

Be Love and light –


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