People often ask me, "Why do you always put your business out there for everyone to judge and see?" The point of me sharing is never to let people in my business but instead to always create a pathway for others to be able to unlock their own strength, to share their truth.
Over the last few years I have realized that sometimes all someone needs to find strength in using their voice is the strength of someone else telling them, "You are not alone." Sometimes it's hard and you want to keep the pain and the trials in the past and not have to face them. I have found immense healing in sharing testimony and creating a safe space for others to do the same.
Imagine for a minute, you were in a room of 100 people learning about a certain topic. You can not for the life of you understand what the professor is talking about, but you are in total fear to speak up because you don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t get it. "What if they think I am stupid?" "What if they think I don’t belong here?" "What if they all judge me?" "What if I still don’t get it after I speak up?" These thoughts are all valid and very normal amongst most. So you sit quietly, and try your best to get it without having to do the unbearable and raise your hand to say, "Sir, I don’t understand, can you go over that one more time?" As you sit and run through the progressively negative thoughts that come with this situation of not understanding -- "OMG if I can't understand this I am going to fail the class, if I fail the class I am going to have to drop out of school, then my whole life is down hill." So on and so forth. As your mind spins out of control, you hear a voice from behind you say, "Excuse me Professor, I don’t understand how you came to that conclusion can you please break it down a little bit different?"
Wait, the world didn’t end? There was no snickering, no laughing, no name calling? The teacher didn’t say get out of my class? You were floored. As the teacher asked, "is there anyone else who isn't understanding this topic?" and as you looked around you saw almost half the classes hands go up, so you slowly raised yours. The professor nodded as he explained another break down of the lesson he was teaching...
What happened here? It wasn’t that the person who didn’t speak up first was weak, it wasn’t that they were stupid, it wasn’t that they needed to follow someone else. It simply meant they were human. Sometimes we have been so shamed and shunned in this world, that our voices and bravery have been buried so deep inside us that we forget they exist. We have been raised and bred to feel so judged by this world, so alone, that we would rather drive ourselves crazy with sometimes irrational thoughts, than to bear the dreading hands of societies judgement.
In the above situation, this wasn’t a specific trauma or trial, this was simple fear in a classroom setting; not understanding the lesson at hand. It took the strength of someone else to rise up and create a safe space to let the other person know they weren't the only one who didn’t get it. By speaking up first, and being vulnerable, this person unknowingly unlocked another classmates strength. They, not even knowing they did so, helped this person uncover a little bit of strength that the world had caused to be hidden.
To me the value in transparency is clear. Others may confuse it with being attention seeking, pity seeking, or like drama. But to me, the world is full of enough poker faces. We live our lives expected to hide our pain and to be okay, expected to just suck it up, expected to handle all these daily tasks and keep our emotional gauges perfectly set. We are expected to deal with stress without speaking about it and deal with our pain or trauma without healing from it. So I decided a couple years ago that I wanted to break that cycle within my life and the people around me.
Sharing out loud has brought me more freedom than I can express. It is one thing to be free from an abuser or hurtful situation, but true freedom resides in being able to speak our truth so it doesn’t eat us from the inside. We are not meant to hold our emotions inside, and because we live in a society that tells us we should, we have alot of vulnerabilities, pain and untreated trauma. This leads to many of the issues our community is trying to eradicate such as abuse, addiction, exploitation, mental illness, etc.
I believe if humans had permission to share their struggles, and were encouraged, not discouraged to, we would have such a different world. Children could speak out about their pain and be heard, men could come forward and find healing without their masculinity being questioned, and women could find healing and value outside of their bodies and share what they can do for others. With that, it encompasses why I feel transparency is such a beautiful thing. I think it shows courage, leadership and strength. So for those of you out there, who are like me, and are misunderstood in why they share so openly and so much about their life, I honor you, I understand you and I value you. You are a rare light in this world and you are the key to unlocking someone elses story. Keep healing and keep doing what others won't!
Love and light,